Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
