Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
