In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
