what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
