I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
