"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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