a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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