I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
