Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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