Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
