I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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