I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
