Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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