I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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