I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
