I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
