I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
