When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
