we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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