just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
