my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
