I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
