oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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