So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
