My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
