apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
