I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
