hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
