And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
