the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
