i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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