Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
