Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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