remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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