oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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