I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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