i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
