So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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