so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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