I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
