My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
