What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
