my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
