I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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