I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
