hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
