I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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