I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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