You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
