just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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