I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
