My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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